Category: Parenting

Block Party

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Neighbor:  neigh·bor  /ˈnābər/

Noun
A person living near or next door to the speaker or person referred to.

There is a house near us that has children a few years older than our own.  For months my husband has been encouraging me to knock on the door to meet this family.  For whatever reason, I had resisted.  I was feeling shy, or just wasn’t sure how to connect.  I have found myself feeling a bit bolder as a result of the conference I attended a few weeks ago (possibly because I was talking non-stop to strangers for 36 hours).  This past week, I saw the family unloading their car from some fun summer activity and I turned my car around and stopped.  I crossed the street and said “hello”.  I introduced myself and asked if any of their kids might be interested in being a mother’s helper for us.  They were all incredibly nice and friendly.  I learned that this family has chickens, which is glorious, because now I don’t need chickens.  (My kids are obsessed with getting chickens.)  Now they can go and hang with the chickens at our neighbor’s house!  I don’t know where this relationship will go.  We gave them apricot jam and they gave us a bowl of fresh eggs.  But, I am so glad I stopped and said “hello”.  Sometimes, all it takes is stepping outside one’s comfort zone and being a little bolder than normal.

Community:  com·mu·ni·ty  /kəˈmyo͞onitē/

Noun
  1. A group of people living together in one place, esp. one practicing common ownership: “a community of nuns”.
  2. All the people living in a particular area or place: “local communities”.

As I have mentioned a few times this year (okay, maybe a few dozen times), our oldest will start kindergarten this fall.  I feel the typical growing pains associated with this transition; nervous, excited and a teensy bit anxious.  But, I have also begun to feel confident.  Confident that the community we have chosen to live will help with this process.  This is a pretty new feeling for me and I find it really exciting.  We moved two years ago to the town where we live with the themes of “community” and “education” in mind.  And over the past few years of living in this place, we have grown to feel more and more comfortable.

Randomly, on multiple days this week, a “suspicious individual” has been spotted discreetly snapping photos of children playing at a local elementary school playground.  Obviously this is a creepy situation that no one would like to see occur near your home or progress to something worse. But instead of quietly stewing, parents called the police after spotting this guy and another parent sent out an email to alert friends of these strange incidents.  I heard about it, but didn’t expect much follow-up.  In the last few days, I have received at least five forwards of this original email alert from other sources within my community.  Our police department has been taking this threat seriously and patrols the parks more regularly.  In a different frame of mind, I could get pretty paranoid about this.  But, from this negative event, I feel the strength within the community where we live.  I hate the idea of anyone dangerous being anywhere near our children, but I find myself feeling hopeful as I see that this community truly cares for our children’s safety.

By speaking up and making sure that people know to be on the look-out, we are seeing community in action.  This is exactly what I hoped for in choosing a community to raise my family.  I realized today that I am putting my trust in this community.  I will still send my child to kindergarten in less than a month.  The alternative is staying in at home all day and night with the doors locked and starting to home-school come September.  I see that children are still playing in these parks, but eyes are open and people are talking.

August 6th is Seattle Night Out, an event “designed to heighten crime prevention awareness, increase neighborhood support in anti-crime efforts, and unite our communities.” (http://www.seattle.gov/police/nightout/whatis.htm)  This block-party type event is the perfect time to get together with neighbors and get to know one another!  If your block doesn’t do this yet, start this year!  You can find out more information and register your event with the Seattle Police Department here.  We used to celebrate this annual event in our old neighborhood, and I am going to take my newfound boldness and make sure that we start doing it in our new neighborhood.

The Dalai Lama said recently, “A compassionate community will not be achieved only through prayer; I pray myself, but I accept its limitations.  We need to take action to develop compassion, to create inner peace within ourselves and to share that inner peace with our family and friends.  Peace and warm-heartedness can then spread through the community just as ripples radiate out across the water when you drop a pebble into a pond.”

Community can come in many forms.  It can be people in close proximity to one another or a group of people you feel a connection with.  It can be people with whom you share interests or activities.  It can be family.  The important part is connection.  It is easy to live anonymously these days – technology makes this even easier.  But, our lives are less full when human connection is missing.  I want this connection for all of us.  To live in places and in ways that people speak up, smile, and offer help to one another.  We are all better for it.

Author note (added 8/7/13):  Sometimes it is necessary to admit momentary defeat… I wasn’t able to pull a block party together on our block this year, but there’s always next year!  On this particular day we just had one too many activities and we all benefitted from a quiet night at home.  That was just the right choice for the day.  Happy Summer!!

Sing For You

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I have friends whose lives run parallel to mine, but none of us are in the exact same boat.  Even if we both agree that we are in a boat, yours might be metal and mine might be wood… yours could be blue, while mine is red.  To me, this speaks of the unique experience we all have as humans.  Even though we go through experiences that can be qualified as universal, rarely do we go through something at the exact same rate or pace as our peers.

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This week feels like a perfect storm as our oldest child turns six years old and I wean our youngest (and last) babe.  I have had a baby in the house for six years straight and I am having a difficult time imagining how it will feel to move out of this phase.  As the children continue to grow, leaving behind these markers of babyhood, I realize that they are not the only ones leaving the baby years behind.  I am too.  Of course there is excitement in these changes, but they are bittersweet as well.  I can say that I have been expecting these moments, but I still find myself feeling caught off-guard.  In this moment, I take solace in a book I happen to be re-reading right now.  Gift from the Sea, by Anne Morrow Lindbergh is a favorite of mine.  Originally published in 1955, it is a meditation on relationships through various stages of life.  I happened to pick up the book again because I felt the need for centering and calming.  How happy I am to be reminded of some of Lindbergh’s meanderings, as I, myself, find myself wandering once again through unchartered territory.

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I have gone through the weaning of babies twice before, which makes me think it should get easier.  I am mistaken, as each time is its own experience – each child unique.  My brain is aware that we will move through this stage and there will be lovely snuggles on the other side.  Cognitively, I know that I will continue to have a strong relationship with my child post-nursing.  But my heart will miss the solitary time together amidst the current chaos of our life.  The unique bond between baby and mother, “In the sheltered simplicity of the first days after a baby is born, one sees again the magical closed circle, the miraculous sense of two people existing only for each other, the tranquil sky reflected on the face of the mother nursing her child…” (Lindbergh, Anne Morrow. Gift from the Sea. New York: Pantheon, 1955. Print.)

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Try as I might, I cannot freeze time.  Even if I could, that would be limiting for everyone.  That’s the thing about life, and parenthood specifically; one is forced to live in the present.  The raising of children keeps one moving forward, even when we, as adults, are hesitant to desire this.  What I am feeling right this minute is a powerful force; a push towards the future and a nostalgic pull back towards my memories of my children as babies.  I realize how immediate these feelings are.  They will pass and become difficult to remember as they are now.  As I think back to friends that have been in this spot, I truly hope the advice I gave to them was thoughtful.  I’m sure I tried to remember the best I could, but I have to think the words I found were rather vanilla.  I don’t believe that my brain could pinpoint the actual feelings attached to the intensity of the situation.

As I begin the steps of leaving my children’s childhoods in the past, Tracy Chapman’s beautiful lyrics run through my head and heart.

Soft and low when the evening comes

Holding you, sleeping in my arms

I remember there was a time

When I used to sing for you

Tracy Chapman : Sing For You (recording)

Song has been an important element in my relationships with the children since the time of their birth.  Songs that remind me of nights spent awake in their infancies, as we grew to know one another.  As with nursing, song has been a soothing practice for us all, but is something that remains.  As we say goodbye to the baby years and move bravely forward, I hold these memories in my heart.  My children love to sing and be sung to at bedtime.  That will probably change someday too, but for now I will hold onto it and enjoy the moment.

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Cama Bay Camping

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Summer.  Camping.  Time away from the pressures of home.  No television or cell phones.  Real quality family time.  S’mores, camp fires, nature in abundance…  Really, what’s not to love?

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Well, I will admit I am a reluctant camper. More specifically, I love camping in my mind’s eye, in theory, and in the planning stage. And, to be fair, it does always end up being fun.  The awkward stage for me happens somewhere between setting the plan and the time when I relax enough to realize we are all going to be covered in dirt and that is totally okay. Can you relate?

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Recently, we had an experience that far exceeded my expectations of camping. The spot is a well-kept secret that I feel so excited to have discovered. I even debated a bit about sharing it with you…

We went to Cama Bay State Park on Camano Island and I am hooked!

I want to go back every year. I want to call now to reserve our next ten years of camping trips (not allowed, unfortunately). This in and of itself is different for me. Usually camping is fun, but I am not ready to sign up for more camping immediately upon our return to civilization. (Let me be clear that at this point, the camping we are doing as a family of five with children under the age of six is definitely “car camping”.) We do not pack lightly enough to attempt anything more adventurous than this. But, even with all this in mind, Cama Bay hits a very sweet spot!

First off, Camano Island is a 90-minute drive from Seattle – no ferry schedule required. Once you have arrived, there is a shuttle service that brings you and your stuff down to the waterfront (for us this meant multiple Rubbermaid totes, copious amounts of bedding in Ikea blue bags, large cooler of food, friend’s paddle board, etc… ). There are no cars allowed at the campsite. This is a wonderful feature once you have gotten settled.  Camping occurs in small rustic cabins that were built as a 1930s-era Puget Sound fishing resort. There are amenities such as electricity and running water, but no heat.  The website describes Cama Bay as a “time capsule” experience and I can’t think of a more apt description. The location is absolutely lovely and feels relatively untouched by time. We felt so far away, not only in location, but in time.

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Our cabin was right at the edge of the beach, which made this event feel even more like a vacation (clearly not how I would typically describe camping). Once settled, there was also very little schlepping. This definitely added to our overall feeling of relaxation. The kids spent the entire weekend in their swimsuits, exploring the beach. We discovered shells and wishing rocks aplenty.  We created our own play structures with driftwood.  We tested our comfort zones with a caterpillar colony.  Because of the beach, it wasn’t even that dirty! There were loads of families present and it truly felt more like “summer camp” than “camping”.

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We had an amazing weekend at Cama Bay. The weather was spectacular. The company was fantastic. The memories are forever. And I’ll be calling in 3 months to book our time for next year. I encourage you to do the same.

Happy exploring!

A Look Back

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Things are a bit crazy right now!  It is the first week of summer for the kiddos and things are also getting busier with Poole Party Designs!  I have been spending a lot of time at the sewing machine and it makes me think back to what was going on a year ago!

Here is a look back at some of my favorite moments from June 2012:

1.  We were celebrating the upcoming birth of a good friend’s baby:  Inspiration

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2.  School was coming to an end and my thoughts were on how to document time:  Holding A Memory

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3.  My baby was still spitting up and the Poole Party Burp Cloths were born:  Product Testing

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Time can feel like it goes by quickly, yet look how much has happened!!

Happy Summer!!

Time Flies

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“Time flies when you are having fun.”  That’s how the saying goes.  I see time literally flying by.  Today is the last day of school for the kids.  How did this happen?  I feel like we just got into our routine!  (We’re finally making it to preschool on time!)  Weren’t we just talking about apples on the trees and making book bags?  As I dropped the kids off this morning, I got a little choked up thinking about how far we have come from our first days at preschool a few years ago, when we all had tears.  Now my oldest is learning to read and sends me off with a smile.  My husband helped me to realize something important.  He said, “Time flies when you are having fun, but can feel interminable when things are not going well.”

This week we also celebrate our ninth anniversary of being married.

Had I known how important the choice of a partner is at the time of making this choice, I would probably still be single.  That is not to say I wasn’t focused on finding love in my twenties.  I was.  But, that had more to do with a happily-ever-after fantasy and an idea that my life was moving forward.  I wasn’t truly envisioning life together for the next 75 years.  Washing dishes, watching sunsets, raising children, drinking wine, and sitting on the couch together.  When we chose to be together it was more like the Bruno Mars song, Marry You.  “Its a beautiful night, we’re looking for something dumb to do… Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you!”  When Gus proposed to me in the waves at Hapuna Beach on the Big Island, I said to myself, “I’m in love with this guy!  Of course I’ll marry him… Why not?!?”

I would chalk up finding my great partner to luck and timing.  My husband sometimes reminds me (in jest), that I “shot the moon” when I met him.  But, he is correct.  I did shoot the moon.  And, so did he.  We are well-matched.  We are not alike in everything, but rather challenge each other to think about life in different ways.  We work on our differing communication styles daily!  I believe that there might be other people in the world that we could have ended up with, but our timing worked.  We were ready to meet one another.  We have mapped our lives previous to meeting and strangely enough (having grown up on opposite coasts) there are at least three other times we could have met.  We both agree we probably wouldn’t have fallen in love had we met at those other times.  Luck and timing.

I’m probably not the first to tell you this, but marriage is work.  It is negotiation and compromise.  But, it is also the most wonderful thing to have a “great partner in life”.  In my toast to my husband at our rehearsal dinner, I described the feeling of being with him, as “coming home.”  Thankfully, that feels more true today than it did nine years ago.  He is my best friend and the first and last person I want to talk to each day.  Everyone has their own criteria for love, whether we really know what we are looking for or not.  I don’t think either of us really understood the big decision we were stepping into – I think young couples rarely do.  It is a choice of faith and hope and a bit of luck as well.

I feel supremely lucky to have found a great partner to share all these moments with and I cannot believe that nine years have gone by so quickly.  If we weren’t happy (most of the time), nine years or nine months might just feel like a lifetime!

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Life Lessons on the Playground

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The topic of “love” is current in our house again.  You may remember last year when the boys were starting school in the Fall that marriage and friendship were topics of conversation.  Throughout the year, we have continued to talk about what makes someone an attractive partner; whether it is more important for a friend to be kind, play with you at outdoor time, or laugh at all your jokes.  A first kiss has transpired.  You will be happy to know that no official proposals have been made though.  The kids have continued to get to know one another and the families are being introduced at this point.  Thankfully, Sam took my advice that no quick decisions needed to be made in the area of marriage.  But, there is a new twist on “love” that has gotten me thinking again.

The singer, P!nk, has come out with a new song called “Just Give Me a Reason”.  Side note:  You should know, I am a enamored with P!nk.  I love that she exudes female strength and many of her songs speak to confidence and self respect (and she is currently my favorite artist to run to).  “Just Give Me a Reason” is a song that I enjoy and happily the Top 40 radio stations agree with me, as they play it all the time.  I’ll let you in on a little secret, when we are driving around, and need a break from Caspar Babypants, the kids and I sing along to popular hits.  Historically, it is the random lyric that makes my eldest ask a question regarding the meaning of a particular song (but it doesn’t happen all that often).  The other day Sam said to me, “What does that mean?  Why are they learning to love again?”  At first, I had no idea what he was talking about, but then I realized his question was tied to this particular song.  Concurrently, I realized that this will be a new concept for him.  The idea that love might not last forever and that it might also cause hurt and pain.  For adults, this reality stares us in the face all the time, but for my children this tough lesson has yet to be learned.  A fact I am pretty darn happy about.  I told him I would have to think about how to answer his question and began puzzling over how to explain this concept to a 5-year old.

My son has tried the monkey bars at different points in his short life and they have always been appropriately tough.  After attempting those vexing bars at the park, we typically move on to playing on the slide, climbing, or trying the swings.  Then, one day I got a call.  Sam had successfully traversed the monkey bars!  He was with his grandmother and his voice was bursting with pride – like riding a bike with no training wheels kind of pride!  He was so excited.  On the next sunny day, he couldn’t wait to show off his new skill, but sadly, that day, it didn’t work.  Whether he was tired, the bars were slippery, or the moon was in the wrong phase…who knows why, he couldn’t do it again.  He tried, and tried, and tried.  In one of his failed attempts, Sam even fell and hurt his knee.  But, he got up and tried again.  He has a scar that will stay with him for awhile from all his repeated efforts.  At the time he was pretty distraught, but as we left the park that day, he told us that he had done it before and would try again.  As a parent, that is when I felt proud.  Not after his success (although I was happy for him), but after he failed and knew he would try again.  To this day I have not seen him successfully get across those darn monkey bars, but I remember the happiness in his voice after that first time.

The lyrics of “Just Give Me a Reason” go like this:

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit’s enough
Just a second we’re not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It’s in the stars
It’s been written in the scars on our hearts
We’re not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Continue reading http://www.songonlyrics.com/pink-just-give-me-a-reason-lyrics#ixzz2UE103xHG

The fact that we all have scars is universal.  The fact that we can choose to “try again” is what is so beautiful to me in this song.  We’re not broken, just bent.  We have all been hurt by things, whether it is a broken heart from love, or from attempting the monkey bars.  To have been hurt by something, and to be willing to try again is what makes us illogically human.  To hold the hope that the next time we might experience a different result… Someday, I hope to be lucky enough to watch my kids get their hearts broken by love.  Obviously their hurt is not something I will relish, but the knowledge that they are putting themselves out in the world to be vulnerable to life is what I look forward to witnessing.  I hope to teach them that risks are worth taking and to know that some of the time they will succeed in finding what they are striving for.

Summer is coming and we will have plenty of sunny days to visit the park practice and our monkey bar skills.  There may be some skinned knees along the way, but I am confident that by September, this will be a skill that Sam can feel proud of and he will have the scars to prove it.

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Choose Kindness

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A small gift from one friend to another...
A small gift from one friend to another…

Is my preoccupation with the idea of kindness because I am adjusting to the fact that my oldest will be starting elementary school in the fall?  Is it that I am around the 5-&-under set all day long and witness both trivial and monumental disputes on an hourly basis?  Is it possible that R. J. Palacio’s book, Wonder, has entered my consciousness in ways I am still trying to figure out?  Yes, on all accounts.

My husband and friends can attest to the fact that I am someone who is highly sensitive to the media that surrounds me.  Books, song lyrics, and television all touch me in ways that can alter my outlook for weeks at a time.  Because of this “media sensitivity”, we just do not watch scary movies in our home.  Then, there was that time that I was reading The Black Dahlia and Gone Girl in book club, and I was sure my husband was evil.  Believe me, he isn’t, but I think I slept with one eye open for a full week… You can imagine how much he loved that phase.  Well, the opposite is true too.  When I have been positively touched by a book, that sentiment stays with me as well and for a time becomes the lens with which I view the world.

Wonder, is that kind of book.

August Pullman was born with a facial deformity that, up until now, has prevented him from going to a mainstream school. Starting fifth grade at Beecher Prep, he wants nothing more than to be treated as an ordinary kid—but his new classmates can’t get past Auggie’s extraordinary face… In a world where bullying among young people is an epidemic, this is a refreshing new narrative full of heart and hope. R. J. Palacio has called her debut novel “a meditation on kindness”—indeed, every reader will come away with a greater appreciation for the simple courage of friendship.  (from http://choosekind.tumblr.com/)

Each day we have the option to “choose kindness” in big and small ways that can have huge meaning to those around us.  When we are in line for a cup of coffee, do you greet the barista with a smile, or feel annoyed that you had to wait?  When you see that other preschool mom that never smiles, do you say “hello” anyway?  When you fix yourself a cup of water, do you get one for your partner?  When you are sitting at the lunch table are you the person that scoots over to make room for someone new?  Or, do you look away?  Whether out of fear, insecurity, and shyness over the years, I can think of too many examples where I have been one to look away.  But… I’d like to be the person who moves over and makes room for one more.  The one that smiles and says hello.  A person who actively chooses kindness.

Recently, another preschool mom remarked that she enjoyed a post I wrote about struggling with friendships that are in transition (click here to read, In Between).  She voiced that lately she felt as though she is “back in high school”.  I think that what she meant by this is she feels the constant effort of trying to make new friends and find one’s place.  We can all relate to this universal struggle.  Yet it is see easy to see peers acting critically of one another, casting judgement without empathy.  Aren’t parents (and women specifically) known for this frustrating behavior?  In Wonder, there is a quote that states, “If every person in this room made it a rule that wherever you are, whenever you can, you will try to act a little kinder than is necessary – the world really would be a better place.”  I feel like it all boils down to that.  Being kinder than is necessary.  Whether you are a child entering elementary school, a teenager searching for acceptance, or an adult still looking for your place, we can all choose kindness as a place to start.  That much is within our power.  If I could pass just one lesson onto my children, I believe this might be it.  I think that these small acts can move mountains.

Wonder has started a national movement that I wasn’t aware of as I began writing this post.  Kids are reading Wonder and realizing how important these acts of kindness are in our relationships.  There is even a CHOOSE KIND pledge.  There have been so many examples of hate and cruelty around us lately, it is possible to wonder if there is any good left in the world?  But here is an example of love and grace.  People are signing this pledge and believing in kindness (I think I am number 11,331)!  Whether you sign the pledge or not, I hope that next time (and every time after that) you choose to be “kinder than is necessary”.

Gratitude

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There is a man in my life that deserves some thanks.

Every morning my kids make a bit of a stink about getting ready for school and then an even bigger stink about getting in the car. What is it about transitions that are so universally difficult? I remember back to when my first son was around two or three years old and we realized that “getting out the door” was one of the great hurdles of parenthood. Well, I take that back… at birth there is a realization that you cannot just walk out the door like a normal person anymore. There is process, procedure and packing to contend with upon every departure. But, once toddlerhood arrives, not only are you packing snacks and making sure the diaper bag is stocked, you are also dealing with a little person that has his or her own ideas of how the day should go. Most likely, you are screwing up their plans.

So, when “getting out the door” becomes enough to make you not want to leave the house, it is time to come up with a new strategy. Usually this involves distraction. The distraction I am currently employing with abandon is helped by this man I mentioned. My husband is wonderful, but this is not the man I speak of. Right now, the favorite “other man” in our house is someone named Chris Ballew. It is true, we don’t even know him, and yet this morning he made “getting out the door” to go to school a dream.

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Chris Ballew is a member of the alternative band The Presidents of the United States of America, but he has an alias (which makes him even more popular in my house). He is Caspar Babypants and he is awesome. Since 2009, Chris (or Caspar) has been singing children’s songs that are palatable to adults. There are other great groups who achieve this, but he is the first I learned of and my favorite. Caspar Babypants has released at least six albums and if you don’t know about him yet (and are a parent, an aunt, a grandparent or friend of a child), you need to! One of the things I love about his children’s music project is that he makes his performances very accessible to children around Seattle and many are free to the public. We have gotten to see him perform a few times and my kids go crazy. He is so creative and enthusiastic – it is contagious. Another cool thing about Caspar Babypants is that it is a family run business. His wife, Kate, does all the artwork on the album covers!

So, without further ado… Thanks, Chris, for making my mornings a little easier!

One more thing, if you see us rocking out on the way to school, it is probably to this song:

Youtube links:

Baby’s Getting Up

or maybe this one…

Run Baby Run

Happy Listening!

 Newest Album:

6 I FOUND YOU! cover art

Here I Am! This Is Fun! More Please! Hot Dog! Sing Along!

Bean Bag Balls

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It is Spring Break and that means lots of time for kid crafts and adventures!

We found a great project on Spoonful.com; bean bag balls!  These are cheap and easy to make, and best of all they turned out just like the picture!  I love that.  Once made, these squishy balls can be used for a game of toss or would be ideal for the novice juggler.  The feel also remind me of those “stress balls” from years ago… It is quite possible that this mama will be using them by the end of this fun, busy week!

What you’ll need:

  • 9 (11-inch) balloons (for 3 balls)
  • Funnel
  • 2 1/4 cups of dried lentils
  • Scissors
  • Skewer or chop stick (not included on the original directions, but we found it helpful to push the lentils down the funnel.)

How to make it:

  1. Stretch the first balloon by inflating it halfway, holding it closed for about 30 seconds, and deflating it.
  2. Place a funnel in the balloon’s neck and gradually pour in 3/4 cup of lentils, pushing them in as you go. The balloon should be firm but squeezable.
  3. Snip off the balloon’s thick rubber lip. Cut the neck off a second balloon and gently stretch the opening.
  4. Ease the second balloon over the filled balloon, tucking in the neck as you go.
  5. Cut the neck off the third balloon, stretch the opening, and ease it over the other two. Repeat this process to make a set of three balls, or however many you’d like.

Tips:  We ended up using about 1/2 cup of lentils instead of the 3/4 cup recommended.  It was extremely helpful to inflate the first balloon all the way before holding it for the thirty seconds.  This helps to make sure the balloon is stretched out before beginning the funnel step.  A nicely stretched out balloon made filling much easier!  We also used a skewer to help push the lentils down the funnel.  The kids had a great time picking out their personal color combinations and helping both to measure and fill.

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This was a fun project that I would definitely recommend.  And, since making the balls didn’t use all the balloons we purchased, we had the secondary activity of blowing up the rest of the balloons and playing in the backyard for the afternoon!

Happy Spring Break!

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Defining Success

Published on by poolepartyof51 Comment

“Making the decision to have a child – it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ”
― Elizabeth Stone

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Along the way I’m sure you have heard a version of this quote by Elizabeth Stone.  Sure, it can be thrown in the category of cliche, but it is also very, very true.  As parents, our hearts break when our baby emits his or her first cry or when our toddler falls down while taking first steps.  It is the seemingly impossible idea of separating from these little ones that causes us pain.  The underlying realization is that we are, actually, separate people.  Parents cannot protect their children from every form of hurt.  We know that growth is the goal, yet growing pains, by definition, hurt.  As my children experience new things and grasp growth opportunities, I feel their vulnerability at a visceral level.

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We’ve made a push to get our oldest son swooshing down the slopes by participating in weekly ski lessons at our local hill.  I won’t lie – it has not been pretty.  The experience has been fraught with extreme push back and small successes.  Lots and lots of effort, put forth, with a smile, by my lovely husband.  I think it is also safe to say husband considers himself part sherpa at this point in the game, with all the toting of gear involved.  Throw in a healthy dose of anxiety and tears, and that pretty much sums up the season!  As we recount this experience to friends, we remind them (in obnoxious voices full of authority) that the key to teaching kids to ski is to keep expectations low.  We are laying the foundation… (said over and over like a mantra).  This is a necessary element of sharing this sport with our family.  We realize that it will probably be many years until we are actually all skiing together, but this weekend we experienced our first glimpse of success!

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We decided to commemorate the end of the season by heading to Canada.  In a carefully orchestrated dance, with little one hanging out with a fabulous Australian babysitter, we attempted to ski for the first time as a family!  We put the boys in lessons for two days with the experts at Whistler.  We skied together in what felt like an actual “date” on the mountain.  We saw the boys coming away from their lessons feeling successful.  And on the last morning of our trip, Gus and I took both boys (ages 3 & 5) skiing down actual mountains.  I don’t even mean the bunny hill!  We took them up quad ski lifts, on purpose.  We rode the lift together.  We executed getting off the lift successfully.  We watched the boys make turns.  We actually skied together!

It was exciting.

It was exhilarating.

And... It was absolutely terrifying!!

There was the immediate fear:  If something happens, can I get to them fast enough?

Then there was the bigger underlying realization:  My heart is currently skiing down this mountain!!

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This was not the topic I was expecting to write about upon our return.  I expected to expound on our feeling of success.  Something like… “We did it!  We remembered all the gear!  We rock!!”  Also true.  But, in the moment of witnessing my oldest “fearlessly attacking the steep” (as his instructor eloquently put it)… I experienced fear.  Why, you say?  He was having fun.  He was truly skiing.  He was going faster than me.  And at some point I realized I was totally out of control.  I don’t wish to parent my children in a bubble (as much as the idea conceptually appeals to me), not really.  I am truly excited to see how they grow, where their passions lie, and what makes them laugh… Danger exists every single day.  I know that.  And, as you know, I like to think that is is possible to find joy in the everyday.

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There was just something so remarkable about experiencing such combating emotions in the same, exact moment.  To feel the pride associated with success, right alongside the fear of what might happen in the next instant.  Awesome and scary.  My mind jumped to what it will be like when our children learn to drive… when they make decisions about drugs and alcohol… and, when they become adults.  I had one of those crystal clear moments realizing, “My mom and dad must have felt this exact same feeling… Wow.”  I guess this is all part of growing up!