Tag: life lessons

Through a Different Lens

Published on by poolepartyof54 Comments

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This past week was Spring Break for our crew and we were lucky enough to have some fantastic family time with my teenage nieces.  My kids think that these ladies walk on water and as a mom, I feel so lucky that they still want to spend time with us!

While together, I spent a lot of time thinking about what it is like being a teenager these days and what advice I would give my “sixteen-year-old self”.  My children are about a decade away from these would-be lessons, but my nieces are living through these complicated years right now.  They are growing up to be strong, intelligent women and I feel so very proud of them.  Still, being their aunt, versus their parent, makes me think that if I share a few things I’ve learned along the way, maybe they will tuck these thoughts into a pocket for a day when they need them.

It will all work out.  I don’t mean that life will play out the way you think it will. Let me tell you here and now that it won’t.  But that’s actually probably for the best. Life will continue to roll on regardless of what college you choose, whether you attend the dance, or make the game-winning shot.  What feels like your entire world today, will be a line in your heart’s memory book. These current dramas will fade as time goes on and tomorrow’s math test (or whatever is causing you stress or pain) will ease with time.  I promise you this.

Be Brave.  Being young is wonderful and also really difficult (and pssst… this is true for almost everyone).  When I think back to how much time I spent worrying about what people thought of me and whether I was good enough in high school, I feel exhausted.  Start trying to find your own voice today and trust that it is good enough.  Fitting in isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  Be yourself and learn to love that person.  Being who you are can mean feeling different, but as they say, different can be extraordinary.

Be kind.  There is just no reason not to be.  This lifelong skill is one that pays back tenfold.  There were high school friends of mine that understood how to be nice to everyone and not get sucked into the drama.  Although I cannot claim to have known this important lesson at the time, those are the people that I think had it all figured out.  I am really happy to say that I am still close to a few of my high school friends and know that these friendships are different than others in my life.  Long-time friendships are like sibling relationships – even though your paths do not always take you in the same direction, these are people who know who you are and where you come from.  And there are times when this is important.

There is no perfect.  There is no easy.  We live in the age of Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook and it is difficult to remember that what people post to these sites is not the whole picture.  When I was young I was striving for the fairy tale.  But truly, there is beauty in simply surviving and getting through difficult times.  Later you will look back (like I am doing now, as cheesy as it is) and realize that those really, really tough moments were actually the times when you were growing into the person that you are now (or will become).  Also, remember that what goes on the internet, stays on the internet and not everyone needs to know every detail of your life.

You are loved.  You are loved.  You are loved.  Rebellion is a necessary step of gaining independence and separating from the family.  It feels uncomfortable, but it is so very normal.  No one expects you to follow all the rules, but try not to break them all.  That might just drive your parents legitimately insane.  Despite all this discomfort, trust that there is still love.  In a few years, it might even be possible to see your parents as human beings once again.

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For some reason this post feels important for me to write, because right now I feel like I can remember some aspects of what it felt like to be a teenager.  I don’t know if this will always be the case, especially when I have teenagers of my own.  But I want these kids to know that there is so much on the other side.  I am watching, from a distance, how they are navigating the choices that are in front of them and, wow, it feels overwhelming.

What would you tell your teenage self?  Is there a piece of advice you wish you had known then?  Please share – we all benefit from looking at this awkward and wonderful time of life through a different lens…

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Life Lessons on the Playground

Published on by poolepartyof5Leave a comment

The topic of “love” is current in our house again.  You may remember last year when the boys were starting school in the Fall that marriage and friendship were topics of conversation.  Throughout the year, we have continued to talk about what makes someone an attractive partner; whether it is more important for a friend to be kind, play with you at outdoor time, or laugh at all your jokes.  A first kiss has transpired.  You will be happy to know that no official proposals have been made though.  The kids have continued to get to know one another and the families are being introduced at this point.  Thankfully, Sam took my advice that no quick decisions needed to be made in the area of marriage.  But, there is a new twist on “love” that has gotten me thinking again.

The singer, P!nk, has come out with a new song called “Just Give Me a Reason”.  Side note:  You should know, I am a enamored with P!nk.  I love that she exudes female strength and many of her songs speak to confidence and self respect (and she is currently my favorite artist to run to).  “Just Give Me a Reason” is a song that I enjoy and happily the Top 40 radio stations agree with me, as they play it all the time.  I’ll let you in on a little secret, when we are driving around, and need a break from Caspar Babypants, the kids and I sing along to popular hits.  Historically, it is the random lyric that makes my eldest ask a question regarding the meaning of a particular song (but it doesn’t happen all that often).  The other day Sam said to me, “What does that mean?  Why are they learning to love again?”  At first, I had no idea what he was talking about, but then I realized his question was tied to this particular song.  Concurrently, I realized that this will be a new concept for him.  The idea that love might not last forever and that it might also cause hurt and pain.  For adults, this reality stares us in the face all the time, but for my children this tough lesson has yet to be learned.  A fact I am pretty darn happy about.  I told him I would have to think about how to answer his question and began puzzling over how to explain this concept to a 5-year old.

My son has tried the monkey bars at different points in his short life and they have always been appropriately tough.  After attempting those vexing bars at the park, we typically move on to playing on the slide, climbing, or trying the swings.  Then, one day I got a call.  Sam had successfully traversed the monkey bars!  He was with his grandmother and his voice was bursting with pride – like riding a bike with no training wheels kind of pride!  He was so excited.  On the next sunny day, he couldn’t wait to show off his new skill, but sadly, that day, it didn’t work.  Whether he was tired, the bars were slippery, or the moon was in the wrong phase…who knows why, he couldn’t do it again.  He tried, and tried, and tried.  In one of his failed attempts, Sam even fell and hurt his knee.  But, he got up and tried again.  He has a scar that will stay with him for awhile from all his repeated efforts.  At the time he was pretty distraught, but as we left the park that day, he told us that he had done it before and would try again.  As a parent, that is when I felt proud.  Not after his success (although I was happy for him), but after he failed and knew he would try again.  To this day I have not seen him successfully get across those darn monkey bars, but I remember the happiness in his voice after that first time.

The lyrics of “Just Give Me a Reason” go like this:

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit’s enough
Just a second we’re not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It’s in the stars
It’s been written in the scars on our hearts
We’re not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Continue reading http://www.songonlyrics.com/pink-just-give-me-a-reason-lyrics#ixzz2UE103xHG

The fact that we all have scars is universal.  The fact that we can choose to “try again” is what is so beautiful to me in this song.  We’re not broken, just bent.  We have all been hurt by things, whether it is a broken heart from love, or from attempting the monkey bars.  To have been hurt by something, and to be willing to try again is what makes us illogically human.  To hold the hope that the next time we might experience a different result… Someday, I hope to be lucky enough to watch my kids get their hearts broken by love.  Obviously their hurt is not something I will relish, but the knowledge that they are putting themselves out in the world to be vulnerable to life is what I look forward to witnessing.  I hope to teach them that risks are worth taking and to know that some of the time they will succeed in finding what they are striving for.

Summer is coming and we will have plenty of sunny days to visit the park practice and our monkey bar skills.  There may be some skinned knees along the way, but I am confident that by September, this will be a skill that Sam can feel proud of and he will have the scars to prove it.

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