Tag: parenting

Experiment

Published on by poolepartyof52 Comments

This week marks the second anniversary of starting this blog.  There have been 105 posts so far and in that time, my babies have continued to grow and change.  I, too, have continued to grow and change.  When I started this blog I wasn’t sure why I even started it, except to try something outside my comfort zone.  Something that would push me to think about things a little differently – to create a personal rhythm to my week.  Something to create structure where there was none, except that which relates to the growing of children. This blog was an experiment.  It pushed me to try to answer these questions:

“Is there anything that I am doing this week that inspires me?”  

“What am I thinking about now that will be difficult to remember later?”  

“What can we do to keep exploring?””

There have been weeks when all our family could manage was to stick to the routine and get by.  But then there were the weeks when I found a little extra creative energy to photograph a food dish that I was preparing for my family and wanted to share with you.  There have been the weeks where it felt extremely important to mark the changes or joys happening that very minute.  Or, those weeks that I thought about a project I was curious about and actually did it.  Probably the most satisfying element of the blog has been when it has re-connected me to people in my community.  Over the last few years the blog has held me accountable to my creative self and I have loved that.

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Holding a Memory
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Artichoke Spinach Lasagna
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Serious Kale
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Giant Floor Pillows
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Homemade Cocktail Bitter

 

Gus and I just took our first trip away from the babes.  This felt big.  This felt huge.  It required so much planning and as we were leaving I wondered if the trip was actually worth all the work.  I was worried about what kind of disaster would occur while we were gone.  And I couldn’t stop thinking about the kids for the first few days… but eventually we relaxed.  The grandparents that stepped in for us did so with gusto and everyone did so well.  The whole thing was such a great experience and we are so thankful for the support.  We had such a good time remembering that this whole party started with just the two of us ten years ago.

Lately, I have found my attention drifting towards a new creative project.  I haven’t been posting here as frequently and I have been wondering whether the blog’s useful life is over.  In some ways, it has served its purpose.  It helped to re-awaken a curiosity in me and learn the value of taking time for myself to try things.  This blog was started to track my progress on the path to reacquaint myself with who I am as an individual and who I want to be in the next chapter.  Our trip reminded me that I have a bit more work to do on this path of discovery and separation.

In the future, it is likely that my passion projects will be shown on a different space entirely, so stay tuned for that; but whether it is on this blog or somewhere else, I am committed to continuing this work of experimenting, exploring and discovering.  I hope you’re with me!

Through a Different Lens

Published on by poolepartyof54 Comments

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This past week was Spring Break for our crew and we were lucky enough to have some fantastic family time with my teenage nieces.  My kids think that these ladies walk on water and as a mom, I feel so lucky that they still want to spend time with us!

While together, I spent a lot of time thinking about what it is like being a teenager these days and what advice I would give my “sixteen-year-old self”.  My children are about a decade away from these would-be lessons, but my nieces are living through these complicated years right now.  They are growing up to be strong, intelligent women and I feel so very proud of them.  Still, being their aunt, versus their parent, makes me think that if I share a few things I’ve learned along the way, maybe they will tuck these thoughts into a pocket for a day when they need them.

It will all work out.  I don’t mean that life will play out the way you think it will. Let me tell you here and now that it won’t.  But that’s actually probably for the best. Life will continue to roll on regardless of what college you choose, whether you attend the dance, or make the game-winning shot.  What feels like your entire world today, will be a line in your heart’s memory book. These current dramas will fade as time goes on and tomorrow’s math test (or whatever is causing you stress or pain) will ease with time.  I promise you this.

Be Brave.  Being young is wonderful and also really difficult (and pssst… this is true for almost everyone).  When I think back to how much time I spent worrying about what people thought of me and whether I was good enough in high school, I feel exhausted.  Start trying to find your own voice today and trust that it is good enough.  Fitting in isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  Be yourself and learn to love that person.  Being who you are can mean feeling different, but as they say, different can be extraordinary.

Be kind.  There is just no reason not to be.  This lifelong skill is one that pays back tenfold.  There were high school friends of mine that understood how to be nice to everyone and not get sucked into the drama.  Although I cannot claim to have known this important lesson at the time, those are the people that I think had it all figured out.  I am really happy to say that I am still close to a few of my high school friends and know that these friendships are different than others in my life.  Long-time friendships are like sibling relationships – even though your paths do not always take you in the same direction, these are people who know who you are and where you come from.  And there are times when this is important.

There is no perfect.  There is no easy.  We live in the age of Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook and it is difficult to remember that what people post to these sites is not the whole picture.  When I was young I was striving for the fairy tale.  But truly, there is beauty in simply surviving and getting through difficult times.  Later you will look back (like I am doing now, as cheesy as it is) and realize that those really, really tough moments were actually the times when you were growing into the person that you are now (or will become).  Also, remember that what goes on the internet, stays on the internet and not everyone needs to know every detail of your life.

You are loved.  You are loved.  You are loved.  Rebellion is a necessary step of gaining independence and separating from the family.  It feels uncomfortable, but it is so very normal.  No one expects you to follow all the rules, but try not to break them all.  That might just drive your parents legitimately insane.  Despite all this discomfort, trust that there is still love.  In a few years, it might even be possible to see your parents as human beings once again.

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For some reason this post feels important for me to write, because right now I feel like I can remember some aspects of what it felt like to be a teenager.  I don’t know if this will always be the case, especially when I have teenagers of my own.  But I want these kids to know that there is so much on the other side.  I am watching, from a distance, how they are navigating the choices that are in front of them and, wow, it feels overwhelming.

What would you tell your teenage self?  Is there a piece of advice you wish you had known then?  Please share – we all benefit from looking at this awkward and wonderful time of life through a different lens…

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Sing For You

Published on by poolepartyof52 Comments

I have friends whose lives run parallel to mine, but none of us are in the exact same boat.  Even if we both agree that we are in a boat, yours might be metal and mine might be wood… yours could be blue, while mine is red.  To me, this speaks of the unique experience we all have as humans.  Even though we go through experiences that can be qualified as universal, rarely do we go through something at the exact same rate or pace as our peers.

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This week feels like a perfect storm as our oldest child turns six years old and I wean our youngest (and last) babe.  I have had a baby in the house for six years straight and I am having a difficult time imagining how it will feel to move out of this phase.  As the children continue to grow, leaving behind these markers of babyhood, I realize that they are not the only ones leaving the baby years behind.  I am too.  Of course there is excitement in these changes, but they are bittersweet as well.  I can say that I have been expecting these moments, but I still find myself feeling caught off-guard.  In this moment, I take solace in a book I happen to be re-reading right now.  Gift from the Sea, by Anne Morrow Lindbergh is a favorite of mine.  Originally published in 1955, it is a meditation on relationships through various stages of life.  I happened to pick up the book again because I felt the need for centering and calming.  How happy I am to be reminded of some of Lindbergh’s meanderings, as I, myself, find myself wandering once again through unchartered territory.

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I have gone through the weaning of babies twice before, which makes me think it should get easier.  I am mistaken, as each time is its own experience – each child unique.  My brain is aware that we will move through this stage and there will be lovely snuggles on the other side.  Cognitively, I know that I will continue to have a strong relationship with my child post-nursing.  But my heart will miss the solitary time together amidst the current chaos of our life.  The unique bond between baby and mother, “In the sheltered simplicity of the first days after a baby is born, one sees again the magical closed circle, the miraculous sense of two people existing only for each other, the tranquil sky reflected on the face of the mother nursing her child…” (Lindbergh, Anne Morrow. Gift from the Sea. New York: Pantheon, 1955. Print.)

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Try as I might, I cannot freeze time.  Even if I could, that would be limiting for everyone.  That’s the thing about life, and parenthood specifically; one is forced to live in the present.  The raising of children keeps one moving forward, even when we, as adults, are hesitant to desire this.  What I am feeling right this minute is a powerful force; a push towards the future and a nostalgic pull back towards my memories of my children as babies.  I realize how immediate these feelings are.  They will pass and become difficult to remember as they are now.  As I think back to friends that have been in this spot, I truly hope the advice I gave to them was thoughtful.  I’m sure I tried to remember the best I could, but I have to think the words I found were rather vanilla.  I don’t believe that my brain could pinpoint the actual feelings attached to the intensity of the situation.

As I begin the steps of leaving my children’s childhoods in the past, Tracy Chapman’s beautiful lyrics run through my head and heart.

Soft and low when the evening comes

Holding you, sleeping in my arms

I remember there was a time

When I used to sing for you

Tracy Chapman : Sing For You (recording)

Song has been an important element in my relationships with the children since the time of their birth.  Songs that remind me of nights spent awake in their infancies, as we grew to know one another.  As with nursing, song has been a soothing practice for us all, but is something that remains.  As we say goodbye to the baby years and move bravely forward, I hold these memories in my heart.  My children love to sing and be sung to at bedtime.  That will probably change someday too, but for now I will hold onto it and enjoy the moment.

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Holding A Memory

Published on by poolepartyof51 Comment

I was given a lovely gift this weekend from a close friend.  It was a journal titled, “Mom’s One Line A Day.”  The purpose of this book is to log a quick thought about each day as it happens, realizing that we are all so busy that one line might just be attainable.  It has room for 5 years of thoughts, all lined up for easy comparison between year one and year five.  A snapshot of what was happening then, as compared to what is happening now.  Or years from now, it would be an easy way to look back to see what we were up to during a certain phase of life.

The question of how we hold our memories has been one that spins around in my head periodically with no real solution.  There are moments when all I want is the ability to stop time.  As I lay on the floor, watching my baby learn to roll over, I want to wallow in the moment, hold it close, and imprint it on my brain.  As I see my four-year old son ride his bike without training wheels for the first time, I want to know that this proud, bursting feeling will be with me for the rest of my life.  Having been through the baby stage before with two other children I know that I will be able to hold onto pieces of the moment, but not the whole thing.  It will pass.

People who have lived through parenting often tell others to “treasure every moment, it goes by so quickly.”  I understand the validity of this statement, but I also find it absurd.  Even when one feels blessed with health and happiness, there are still dirty dishes, sleep deprivation, and shirts covered in spit up to distract from beautiful moments.  Hence my frenetic efforts at documentation… taking photographs on the last day of school, creating baby books, and writing down these random moments.  As I do these things I wonder why I cannot trust my brain to keep these moments for me for a later date; why I must rely on these outside mediums as vaults for something so treasured?

As my friend gave me this thoughtful gift, our babies were laying side by side – hers, six weeks old and precious for all his scrunchy newbornness, and mine, (almost) six months old and stretching out for her freedom.  The miracle of growth and the passage of time were staring us in the face as we looked at what happens in just four months of life.  We sat there in awe of what is occurring before our eyes and in our hearts.

I am left knowing that I can (and will) keep documenting with the best of them, but the real key is to try to stay present for all of it.

Now, I need to go wipe some spit up off the floor.

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Rain, Rain Go Away

Published on by poolepartyof52 Comments

It rained, and rained, and then it rained some more…

  1. Thankfully I am married to an ingenious man who built tarp city in our backyard.  Note to self for future parties, May is not a reliable month in Seattle for backyard barbecues (oh well, chalk it up to optimism)!
  2. I think we did provide a first to our good-natured party-goers – I’m sure no one had participated in pinata thrashing in the pouring rain before Sunday (still fun)!
  3. The party was a success in that the birthday boy was thrilled to have his friends over.  Cupcakes were consumed.  The food was a hit, as we served Copper River salmon, hand delivered by B from Cordova, Alaska!  What a treat.

Thanks for being good sports, friends!

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