Tag: be brave

Through a Different Lens

Published on by poolepartyof54 Comments

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This past week was Spring Break for our crew and we were lucky enough to have some fantastic family time with my teenage nieces.  My kids think that these ladies walk on water and as a mom, I feel so lucky that they still want to spend time with us!

While together, I spent a lot of time thinking about what it is like being a teenager these days and what advice I would give my “sixteen-year-old self”.  My children are about a decade away from these would-be lessons, but my nieces are living through these complicated years right now.  They are growing up to be strong, intelligent women and I feel so very proud of them.  Still, being their aunt, versus their parent, makes me think that if I share a few things I’ve learned along the way, maybe they will tuck these thoughts into a pocket for a day when they need them.

It will all work out.  I don’t mean that life will play out the way you think it will. Let me tell you here and now that it won’t.  But that’s actually probably for the best. Life will continue to roll on regardless of what college you choose, whether you attend the dance, or make the game-winning shot.  What feels like your entire world today, will be a line in your heart’s memory book. These current dramas will fade as time goes on and tomorrow’s math test (or whatever is causing you stress or pain) will ease with time.  I promise you this.

Be Brave.  Being young is wonderful and also really difficult (and pssst… this is true for almost everyone).  When I think back to how much time I spent worrying about what people thought of me and whether I was good enough in high school, I feel exhausted.  Start trying to find your own voice today and trust that it is good enough.  Fitting in isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  Be yourself and learn to love that person.  Being who you are can mean feeling different, but as they say, different can be extraordinary.

Be kind.  There is just no reason not to be.  This lifelong skill is one that pays back tenfold.  There were high school friends of mine that understood how to be nice to everyone and not get sucked into the drama.  Although I cannot claim to have known this important lesson at the time, those are the people that I think had it all figured out.  I am really happy to say that I am still close to a few of my high school friends and know that these friendships are different than others in my life.  Long-time friendships are like sibling relationships – even though your paths do not always take you in the same direction, these are people who know who you are and where you come from.  And there are times when this is important.

There is no perfect.  There is no easy.  We live in the age of Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook and it is difficult to remember that what people post to these sites is not the whole picture.  When I was young I was striving for the fairy tale.  But truly, there is beauty in simply surviving and getting through difficult times.  Later you will look back (like I am doing now, as cheesy as it is) and realize that those really, really tough moments were actually the times when you were growing into the person that you are now (or will become).  Also, remember that what goes on the internet, stays on the internet and not everyone needs to know every detail of your life.

You are loved.  You are loved.  You are loved.  Rebellion is a necessary step of gaining independence and separating from the family.  It feels uncomfortable, but it is so very normal.  No one expects you to follow all the rules, but try not to break them all.  That might just drive your parents legitimately insane.  Despite all this discomfort, trust that there is still love.  In a few years, it might even be possible to see your parents as human beings once again.

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For some reason this post feels important for me to write, because right now I feel like I can remember some aspects of what it felt like to be a teenager.  I don’t know if this will always be the case, especially when I have teenagers of my own.  But I want these kids to know that there is so much on the other side.  I am watching, from a distance, how they are navigating the choices that are in front of them and, wow, it feels overwhelming.

What would you tell your teenage self?  Is there a piece of advice you wish you had known then?  Please share – we all benefit from looking at this awkward and wonderful time of life through a different lens…

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Progress

Published on by poolepartyof54 Comments

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We are in transition over here at the Poole House…

You may have noticed that the posts are slow in coming since the new year and I must admit to being a little overwhelmed.  You see, we’re living among the mortals again, without household help.  Our amazing, wonderful, splendiferous nanny has moved on to greener pastures and is in the process of becoming a teacher.  We couldn’t be happier for her (and her future students)… but… life is different now.  Although Andrea worked for us part-time (read Love Note to Our Nanny), she made life with three kids and creative ambitions feel possible.  Aside from my husband and children, Andrea has been my absolute favorite person for the last two years.  I even brought her flowers a few times to express my affection and gratitude.  Amazingly, what started out as a short-term commitment turned into a symbiotic relationship that went on much longer than expected and blossomed into a lovely relationship.  We all miss her.

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Households are an intriguing thing.  Although we all universally cook, clean, do laundry, and play, we do it in infinitely different ways.  I don’t know how often it happens that one shares the intimate details of life inside the home with others.  Even close friends of mine don’t know how often I mop (rarely) or which direction I prefer my silverware to go in the dishwasher (up).  Do yours?  By inviting another adult into our home, I was able to share our best practices with someone and learn better ones.  As I reflect on the last two years and what it was like incorporating a stranger into our home, I realize that I have learned some important life lessons:

  1. Our nanny is one of the hardest-working people I have ever met.  Life will be good to her, for the express reason that she understands that good things take work and discipline.  She reminded me that it is important to simply put one foot in front of the other and do the work.
  2. Sometimes good enough is just that… good enough.  Personally, I can get a little mired down in the details, obsessed with getting something perfect.  That trait doesn’t work particularly well when running a busy house.  Keep on moving…
  3. Finish what you start.  Something I watched Andrea do is start and finish tasks.  With three children it is easy to get distracted (read: all the time).  This means that many projects are started and left half-done, leaving the house a disaster and me completely overwhelmed.  By trying to finish what I start (putting away laundry, chopping an apple, or making lunch), the house stays ordered and I stay focused.
  4. It was wonderful to have someone here to remind me to take a quick break for myself.  Sometimes I can forget this fact and become overwhelmed by all there is to do.  I need to remember this more than anything else.  A quick walk or run always helps regain my sanity.  A day at the spa may not be realistic right now, but taking just 20 minutes to clear my mind always makes me feel better.
  5. Be Brave.  Do the thing that scares you (for example: starting a new career, teaching yourself to sew or simply asking someone for help) and trust that things will work out as they need to.  I don’t think I would have been nearly as brave over the last couple years with all my crazy ideas and projects if I hadn’t had Andrea as a cheerleader behind the scenes.  Remember to be your own cheerleader.

Sometimes it can be difficult to spot when progress has been made in life.  The reason for this is progress usually happens slowly – in inches, versus leaps or miles.  As I look at where we were two years ago when Andrea joined us (overwhelmed with a new baby and two busy preschoolers, not knowing which direction was up) and where we are now (three busy kids, but able to breathe), I see all sorts of differences.  Before, we were barely sleeping and there were days when I felt all I was doing was holding our little baby and nursing.  Now, I have two kids in school most days and we sleep through the night (some of the time).  Before, the kids needed help with every little task.  Now, I have a son in kindergarten that can tie his own shoes (sometimes).  Before, we were late everywhere we went.  Now, our schedule feels more like a normal routine and we arrive to places generally on time.  Believe it or not, this is progress.

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I believe that it is the human condition to always want more, to barely notice when progress has been made.  But it is important to congratulate ourselves on small victories as they happen.  We made the choice to have a nanny during a terribly chaotic time in our family.  We were lucky enough to find a wonderful person to assist us.  We have emerged from that crazy time, and we are whole.  I can’t think of a better investment in our life than that.  We are now moving into a different kind of crazy and that will require some practice.  As I said, we are in transition.  It feels like we are in new territory with too much too do and not enough hands to do it.  And right now, this transition feels like two steps backward… but, my hope is that eventually all this practice will look like progress.

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(images of inspiration courtesy of Pinterest)