Category: Parenting

A Holiday Pledge

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I vow to slow down and stay in the moment.

I will do my best not to obsess over silly things.

I pledge to remember what is important (family, friends, health, joy)

I will continue to do things that help me to feel healthy and good (run, yoga, walks, ____).

I will set reasonable expectations for myself (and others).

I will not freak out if I forget to move the Elf on the Shelf.

If I feel anxious, I will take a deep breath.

I can feel my heart rate rising…  There is too much to do!  I am simultaneously excited and overwhelmed by the approaching holiday season.  I love Christmas.  I love wrapping packages.  I love all the little signs of the season; eggnog lattes, gingerbread houses, cutting out snowflakes (or happy little trees) for our windows… “Brown paper packages tied up with string, these are a few of my favorite things.”

I also will admit that I feel challenged by it.  Overspending and differing priorities and historical baggage, Oh My!  I become a bit of a perfectionist at this time of year and put pressure on myself to make things just so.  Growing up, I imagined a time when I would get to decide what Christmas would look like for my own family.  I dreamed of incorporating my historical traditions with what my husband-to-be knew and we would define our own values and traditions, specific to our family.  This was not as simple just deciding what the holidays would look like in the mind’s eye.  We’ve spent the last ten years figuring out this dance with varying levels of success; working to get the steps just right, incorporating family traditions that feel good to all of us, some from our past and some completely new.  And I think we’re getting there!

Ironically, the event that has both put Christmas into perspective and simultaneously turned it on its ear was our daughter’s birth last year, two days after Christmas.  Our baby was due December 30th and I was convinced that she would come early.  Absolutely convinced.  The beginning of December was busy with the knowledge that she would arrive eventually and when it happened our plans would go out the window (or at least switch to Plan B, C, or D).  The nutcracker ballet, santa pictures, preschool holiday performance, and holiday parties all happened amidst many a contraction, but without a hitch.  Gifts were purchased and wrapped weeks before Christmas.  Jam was made in the summer to be gifted to family and friends… and at some point after all that, I realized it just didn’t matter.  Each day would begin and I would think, “Will she arrive today?  How will I feel if I don’t get ___ done?”  It turned out that all that mattered was that our family was together and we were expecting a new member to arrive at any moment.  We were freed from the feeling that events were mandatory, which in turn made them more fun!  We realized that life would go on.  Christmas would happen whether we were “ready” or not.  All that truly existed was enjoying each other’s company and letting other people know that we care about them too.  I guess that could be said for the rest of the year too, but there is something heightened during this time.  Do you feel it?  Do you obsess over how many cookies you must bake or what to buy for Aunt Tilly?  I know that there is something universally wonderful about this season and also for many, something tough.  Perhaps because, like vacations that are photographed and photographed, the holidays are memorable.  They are differentiated from the rest of the year by rituals that are done over and over again in a special way.  As it turned out, we were able to do all the holiday things we wanted to, enjoy Christmas with our boys, and then welcome our daughter into the world.

For us, the holidays now mean something new.  They mean the beginning of life for our littlest.  What I learned last year and hope to carry with me in the years to come is the following.  Sure, it is fun to give and receive gifts.  Of course, it is great to celebrate the season with special events and dress up clothes.  But, the true holiday spirit comes from looking around and appreciating the life we have, the people we love, and that we are all here together.  And that feeling doesn’t evaporate when you look at your credit card bill in January.

Note:  I have waited a few days to publish this because I have been feeling too distracted by my “To Do” lists, and this felt ironic.  Too ironic.  I have been feeling overwhelmed.  This is not entirely due to the holidays, but also for the planning of my baby’s first birthday!  Deep breath, Poole.  Relax.  Obviously we all go through moments of craziness.  I know that I am not alone in this… but in our best selves and in our best moments, maybe it is possible to keep a little perspective and laugh when things are ironic!

A Meditation on Friendship

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Watching my five- and three-year-old sons navigate a new preschool has made me look at the idea of friendship in a new light.  I see courage in my little ones, as they approach someone new, asking them to play – asking for friendship.  Already in their young lives, they know that the answer might be yes and it might be no.  I want to make this journey easier for my children, but know that I cannot.  Lately, my older son has been talking of “marriage” with a few of his new friends.  I try to encourage him to wait to make any proposals.  Telling him that he really does not need to make a decision of such importance for some time.  Yet, I see that what he yearns for is connection and a promise.  A promise that this trusted friend will be there tomorrow, just as excited to play with him as he / she is today.  I wish it were that simple.  Maybe in the best circumstances it is.

Wikipedia defines friendship as, “…a relationship between two people who hold mutual affection for each other.”  

“The value of friendship is often the result of friends consistently demonstrating the following:

  • The tendency to desire what is best for the other
  • Sympathy and empathy
  • Honesty, even in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth
  • Mutual understanding and compassion; ability to go to each other for emotional support
  • Enjoyment of each other’s company
  • Trust in one another
  • Positively strong, deep, close reciprocity, mutuality—equal give-and-take between the two parties
  • The ability to be oneself, express one’s feelings and make mistakes without fear of judgement.”

Wikipedia goes on to say that the American Sociological Review found that the quality and quantity of close friendships in America has been on the decline over the past thirty years.  “The study states that 25% of Americans have no close confidants and that the average total number of confidants per person has dropped from four to two.”  How sad is this?

Crossing to Safety, by Wallace Stegner, is a modern piece of literature that focuses on the theme of friendship.  There is something timeless about this novel that makes me want to revisit its message again and again as I move through my life.  It is a thoughtful, quiet work that meditates on the half-century long relationship between two couples.  Stegner looks at what it is like to truly feel known by other people.  Throughout this book, it is clear how much these relationships have shaped each character’s life and been a touchstone for important moments of growth and change.  I see this to be true in my own life.

Friendship is unlike marriage, where although it is not always lasting, there is a contract and a stated commitment.  There are rarely formal contracts in friendship.  Parties take part for as long as it satisfies a need.  Individuals are free to come and go.  But don’t we have a commitment to one another?

Where I land on this topic is I expect my friends to stick around.  As in the Wikipedia definition, I expect there to be a level of trust and mutual respect.  In the best scenarios, friends can become the family we choose.  These important relationships can be a thing that helps to define our lives.  Connection is important.  I believe that people with connection live longer, more fulfilled lives.  This is what I wish for myself and my family, a life filled with connection and community.  As we move towards this season of giving thanks, I find I am thankful for my friends.  I am thankful for how many of you have defined portions of my life and helped to shape the person I am.  You have allowed my family to become a part of yours.

“There it was, there it is, the place where during the best time of our lives friendship had its home and happiness its headquarters.”

― Wallace Stegner, Crossing to Safety

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Make It Personal

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When my second son was born, my favorite presents were those that differentiated his arrival from his older brother’s.  Having been through it once, we already had all the equipment, clothes, and “stuff” we needed and the correct gender to boot.  I loved receiving things that were personalized for him.  Whether it was a name or a letter, I found this gesture of individual recognition to be so very thoughtful.  I have kept that sentiment in mind to this day.  Often, when I give a gift to a family that already has one child, I try to personalize it.  It is nice to recognize those older sibs as well!

The “letter” and “number” shirts have arrived!  Simple cut.  Clean lines.  Gotta have ’em.

American Apparel 3/4 sleeve, personalized, raglan tees.  Now available for the big kids!  Poly-Cotton construction.  Durable rib neckband.  Available in sizes 2-8.  The perfect gift for big brother or sister.  Great for birthday parties and sibling photos.  An ideal tool for teaching letter and number recognition!  Start your engines and get ready to be a monogram trendsetter at school!  Head over to Poole Party Designs to start shopping the new collection!

Book Bag Fever

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Apples on the trees, school in session – seems like the perfect time to start making some book bags!

I will admit that this project began out of necessity.  The boys’ new preschool does not like the kids to bring backpacks.  Curious.  Apparently, the cubbies are just too small.  They were being overwhelmed by backpacks.  I love the image of backpacks pouring in from all corners, filling the room!  Be that as it may, the kids are bringing stuff home every night – artwork and papers everywhere!  Hence, the need for a slimmer, more streamlined bag to keep the mama from losing her head.  Ideally, it would be appropriately sized for a preschooler to carry.  Where does one find such a thing?  “Hmmm…” I say, (with a closet full of awesome fabric…) “I’ve seen a book bag before, I bet I can figure this out.”  And so the bag-making frenzy begins at the Poole house…

Why do school supplies evoke such lovely memories?  Even though I don’t need to buy myself #2 pencils or lined paper anymore, these book bags make me feel like a kid all over again!  This little project was not based on a pattern, so if and when I refine my process, I will post a tutorial.  Also, I am feeling a bit obsessed with monograms, if you haven’t noticed.  You will be seeing more of them in items soon to be listed to the shop.  In the case of the book bag, there was a dual purpose for the monogram; easy preschool identification and style.  Here is Duncan modeling his new tote (I find his cross-body-carry especially hip).  My personal favorite, to date, is the elephants!

The Allure of Local

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Gus and I have a long-standing joke about a little something that makes me tick.  On a trip to Whidbey Island, early in our relationship, we stopped at a coffee shop in the town of Langley.   Our reason for stopping was that we were out of coffee beans.  As the barista listed off the various roast options to purchase, he threw in a final choice with the line that it was “roasted last night.”  My eyes lit up and obviously that is the one we took home.  My husband found this hilarious, because I didn’t even pay attention to the roast (or the price).  The idea being that if it was roasted last night, it must be better!  I was charmed and an easy sell for the barista’s (possibly) stock line.  Ever since then, and especially if we are on vacation, we relish those “roasted last night” moments.  To me, they are the kind of local flavor that makes a purchase different from my usual grocery store experience – it gives the item a story and makes it memorable.  To my husband, it is an opportunity to spend a few extra dollars for the same coffee beans, but he does appreciate that it makes his wife happy.  These moments make my day and they make my husband laugh.

We are on the Olympic Peninsula again this weekend and feel that fall is truly in the air.  The leaves are just beginning to drop and I am starting to crave foods like root vegetables, butternut squash, and apple anything.   As part of our trip we visited the renowned Port Townsend Farmer’s Market and enjoyed some local delicacies and street music.  The Pane D’Amore cheesy breadsticks are my personal favorite.

While in Port Townsend we also stopped off at Conservatory Coastal Home and were lucky enough to meet the store owners, Heather and Sam Pollock, and their handsome family.  Once again, I was entranced by this unique store.  It has been rearranged and looks fresh and inviting with lots of new items, including a large turquoise chandelier… (still wondering if I can come up with a place for this in my home?!?!)  I had to be dragged away with only a signature candle to take the place of their Heirloom Tomato candle that we were given a year plus ago.  As sad as I am that the Heirloom Tomato is finnito, the new one sports Conservatory’s new label and is Fig-scented.  I was reminded by Heather that all the candles are soy and made within the store, a detail I’m sure you understand that I’m quite keen on.  The kids also loved their new take-away gift of a few small sand dollars, you’ll remember we were originally wooed by small goldfish toys.  Such a lovely spot!

  

Next stop, Finnriver Farm & Cidery.  If you didn’t know, there is a spirited cider revival going on.  This cider is not the cider you remember drinking in high school.  This new style of cider tends to be a bit less sweet and drinks more like a beer.  There is enormous variety in the styles and it is taking on an artisan element.  Finnriver boasts a tasting room, as well as a cool little farm.  Let me say that if our kids could live on a farm versus the city, I believe they would – at least for a day.  We took a walk around the farm, visiting pigs, ducks, chickens, a dog and a cat.  The family enjoyed touching the dirt and feeling a connection to the land and animals.  I loved seeing all the apples waiting to become the next round of cider and all the neat cider-making gear.  The cider tasting room was staffed with a friendly attendant, whose family was out helping on the farm.  It was a family-friendly stop that I would highly recommend.  If you are in the area, check ahead of time, as they occasionally do u-pick days for their berries and other organic produce.  We’ll try for that next time.  We are now the proud owners of Finnriver’s Dry Hopped Cider and Sparkling Pear Cider that will allow us raise a toast to the new season… and maybe, just maybe, it was bottled last week!  Until next time, here’s a taste of some fall color.

“Don’t Postpone Joy”

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As summer wraps up, I have been having a difficult time landing on a topic to present to you.  I have so many themes running around my head, design ideas, sumptuous photos, and beautiful food to show you… and like the season, all ripe for the picking.  Yet, my mind keeps landing on something different…

While on vacation I saw a bumper sticker that stuck with me.  This bumper sticker reads, “Don’t Postpone Joy.”  I can’t get it out of my head.  There have been a few tragic losses in my immediate community – families that have lost their fathers in strange and surprising ways.  Immediate ways.    I keep coming back to the fact that life can be taken from us swiftly, permanently, and without apology.  Maybe it is the nursing hormones still in my system post-baby, but all I want to do is wrap my family in a forcefield to protect this life that we are leading, right now, in this minute.  I feel scared and thankful all at the same time and then I think… “Don’t Postpone Joy.”

Have you ever read something from a crazy source that just resonates?   Sometimes I feel this way about Lululemon shopping bags.  The bags are stamped with all sorts of truths or mantras such as, “That which matters the most should never give way to that which matters the least.”  Or, “Do one thing a day that scares you.”  “Breathe deeply and appreciate the moment.  Living in the moment could be the meaning of life.”  You get the idea…  All good thoughts.  Sometimes cliche, but still probably true and certainly good reminders.

We live with so much hustle and bustle.  School is beginning, we are all getting back into our cherished and hated routines, and I feel it is especially important to clear my mind, remembering what is important.  My kids are accomplishing milestones, having growth spurts and tantrums and leaving the nest in little ways each day.  In the next few weeks I am sure that my baby will start to walk…  All of this makes me both proud and desperately wish that I could stop time.  “Don’t Postpone Joy.”

So here, right now, I will present a few moments of our Joy over the last few months and try to encourage you to think of yours.  “Don’t Postpone Joy.”

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Pretty Packages

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Because who doesn’t love receiving mail… and a pretty package at that?  All Poole Party Designs packages come “ready for gifting” with beautiful tissue and bow.  Gift wrap included.  Why, you ask?  Because I love making pretty packages and hopefully it takes one thing off of someone else’s to-do list.

This clearly is a family affair.  My assistants went with me today to the post office to mail the first round of shipments out to our customers!  My what a great help they were!  I know you are jealous.  These guys are the best in the business.

Thanks everyone for all your wonderful words of encouragement!  I appreciate it so much in these early days!

The Point.

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For me, the point of this blog is to share inspiration among us through everyday life.  If by reading something I write, someone feels inspired to try something new, or think about something in a different way, then there is a point to all this writing and documenting.  My 35th birthday was this week and I feel so satisfied because I inspired.  My mother read the post about my  grandmother and her secrets … and felt inspired.

Not only has she challenged me to a “taste off” between my pickle recipes and her version of my grandmother’s pickle recipe.  (More on that sometime soon…)  I can’t wait!!

But, she also made a birthday cake for me in the tradition of my grandmother!  What a wonderful surprise.  My grandmother had two cakes that she would bake and she kept the process a secret: “the checkerboard” and “the rainbow”.  So this year I received a checkerboard cake for my birthday from my mom, a woman who does not love to cook.  I love that she felt inspired to figure out the mystery of “the checkerboard” and that I was the recipient of this fun!  Thanks, Mom!  You’re a wonderful mother and an inspiration to me too.

How cool is that?  There is a surprise checkerboard pattern inside.  I believe you can do either two or three colors.   I can just imagine purple and pink from a childhood birthday party decades ago.  In addition to this surprise cake, there was also a package for me to unwrap.  It was the secret… a special pan from Wilton that makes all this magic possible:  Checkerboard Cake Pan.  Who knew?  There are different brands, of course, that make this special pan, Wilton just happens to be the one I was gifted.

I see many a checkerboard cake in my future (and my past)… Happy Baking!

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Perfect Imperfections

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There can be beauty in the imperfections…  I might wish that I felt more comfortable with this statement, but I am a selective perfectionist.  This means that in some things I am very relaxed, but in others I can become paralyzed if I cannot get a project to meet my expectations.  Thankfully, my husband and I are well-paired in this arena.  Where I stall out, he moves forward with gusto. Our garden this year is a perfect example of how beauty and joy can come from unexpected imperfections.  This is our second year planting a vegetable patch.  Last year was a bit of a bust.  We were novices with high expectations.  We started the season in a flurry of energy and completely fell off as the summer progressed.  This year, with new baby and a busy life, I entered with moderate expectations.  We planted tentatively and sparingly… still, I stalled out when I couldn’t come up with an aesthetically appealing plan for my vertical peas.  I was ready to throw in the towel.  Thankfully Gus stepped in and made it happen.  He also had big plans for our tomatoes.  I hate the way the tomato planters look.  There, I said it.  They are planted in rubbermaid totes and are pretty ugly – but, as you will see, quite impressive.

 

As it turned out, the garden was a funny and beautiful success ~ an exercise in wabi sabi.  Our peas were fantastic on their imperfect stakes.  They grew like crazy and the kids enjoyed picking them every day for a month.  Then our two small nasturtium plants went gangbusters.  They took over the carrots and scallions and eventually had to be completely pulled.  And now, our beans have gone crazy!  We call them “the leaning tower” due to their robust growth towards the sky.  Jokes have been made about whether we traded a cow for the seeds… and whether Jack will by coming by anytime soon.  Lastly, our tomatoes are the best I have tasted in years.  When planning something in May, it is impossible to know what unexpected beauty and delights will occur in June, July, or August… A good lesson.  Thanks, Honey.

                    

         

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Warm Welcome

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Welcome, Baby B.

My good friend, M, is approaching the due date of her third daughter.  All her ducks are in a row and now she is waiting for baby’s arrival, just a few weeks away.  Since she has all the material things she needs, one might think that a shower is superfluous, but I disagree.  The birth of any baby changes things forever for a family.  They go from a “family-of-four” to a “family-of-five” and things will never, ever be the same.  As I mentioned in a previous post (Nervous), this “time in waiting” is unlike any other before or after.  A tension exists between the appreciation of what has been and the excitement of what will be.  The beauty of the family that is, with that which is unknown.

When approaching the birth of my third baby, all I wanted was time to be with women close to me and a moment to celebrate my baby.  Life can be such chaos that I found carving out a space to be present with baby the hardest thing of all.  Friends hosted a luncheon for me and it was so lovely.  It was exactly what I wanted.  I wanted to be able to do the same thing for M.  Although she may not need more onesies, she probably does need her friends and family more than ever and a space to enjoy her baby.

We met at The Pink Door and had a fabulous evening.  Mother Nature cooperated and delivered a gorgeous sunset.  The food was artfully done and delicious to boot.  I tried for all things feminine with lots of flowers and included a faux flower for each lady to wear however she chose.  Everyone looked festive and feminine.  M, you are so special.  I hope you know how much you and Baby B are loved!

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