Month: November 2012

A Holiday Pledge

Published on by poolepartyof53 Comments

I vow to slow down and stay in the moment.

I will do my best not to obsess over silly things.

I pledge to remember what is important (family, friends, health, joy)

I will continue to do things that help me to feel healthy and good (run, yoga, walks, ____).

I will set reasonable expectations for myself (and others).

I will not freak out if I forget to move the Elf on the Shelf.

If I feel anxious, I will take a deep breath.

I can feel my heart rate rising…  There is too much to do!  I am simultaneously excited and overwhelmed by the approaching holiday season.  I love Christmas.  I love wrapping packages.  I love all the little signs of the season; eggnog lattes, gingerbread houses, cutting out snowflakes (or happy little trees) for our windows… “Brown paper packages tied up with string, these are a few of my favorite things.”

I also will admit that I feel challenged by it.  Overspending and differing priorities and historical baggage, Oh My!  I become a bit of a perfectionist at this time of year and put pressure on myself to make things just so.  Growing up, I imagined a time when I would get to decide what Christmas would look like for my own family.  I dreamed of incorporating my historical traditions with what my husband-to-be knew and we would define our own values and traditions, specific to our family.  This was not as simple just deciding what the holidays would look like in the mind’s eye.  We’ve spent the last ten years figuring out this dance with varying levels of success; working to get the steps just right, incorporating family traditions that feel good to all of us, some from our past and some completely new.  And I think we’re getting there!

Ironically, the event that has both put Christmas into perspective and simultaneously turned it on its ear was our daughter’s birth last year, two days after Christmas.  Our baby was due December 30th and I was convinced that she would come early.  Absolutely convinced.  The beginning of December was busy with the knowledge that she would arrive eventually and when it happened our plans would go out the window (or at least switch to Plan B, C, or D).  The nutcracker ballet, santa pictures, preschool holiday performance, and holiday parties all happened amidst many a contraction, but without a hitch.  Gifts were purchased and wrapped weeks before Christmas.  Jam was made in the summer to be gifted to family and friends… and at some point after all that, I realized it just didn’t matter.  Each day would begin and I would think, “Will she arrive today?  How will I feel if I don’t get ___ done?”  It turned out that all that mattered was that our family was together and we were expecting a new member to arrive at any moment.  We were freed from the feeling that events were mandatory, which in turn made them more fun!  We realized that life would go on.  Christmas would happen whether we were “ready” or not.  All that truly existed was enjoying each other’s company and letting other people know that we care about them too.  I guess that could be said for the rest of the year too, but there is something heightened during this time.  Do you feel it?  Do you obsess over how many cookies you must bake or what to buy for Aunt Tilly?  I know that there is something universally wonderful about this season and also for many, something tough.  Perhaps because, like vacations that are photographed and photographed, the holidays are memorable.  They are differentiated from the rest of the year by rituals that are done over and over again in a special way.  As it turned out, we were able to do all the holiday things we wanted to, enjoy Christmas with our boys, and then welcome our daughter into the world.

For us, the holidays now mean something new.  They mean the beginning of life for our littlest.  What I learned last year and hope to carry with me in the years to come is the following.  Sure, it is fun to give and receive gifts.  Of course, it is great to celebrate the season with special events and dress up clothes.  But, the true holiday spirit comes from looking around and appreciating the life we have, the people we love, and that we are all here together.  And that feeling doesn’t evaporate when you look at your credit card bill in January.

Note:  I have waited a few days to publish this because I have been feeling too distracted by my “To Do” lists, and this felt ironic.  Too ironic.  I have been feeling overwhelmed.  This is not entirely due to the holidays, but also for the planning of my baby’s first birthday!  Deep breath, Poole.  Relax.  Obviously we all go through moments of craziness.  I know that I am not alone in this… but in our best selves and in our best moments, maybe it is possible to keep a little perspective and laugh when things are ironic!

A Meditation on Friendship

Published on by poolepartyof51 Comment

Watching my five- and three-year-old sons navigate a new preschool has made me look at the idea of friendship in a new light.  I see courage in my little ones, as they approach someone new, asking them to play – asking for friendship.  Already in their young lives, they know that the answer might be yes and it might be no.  I want to make this journey easier for my children, but know that I cannot.  Lately, my older son has been talking of “marriage” with a few of his new friends.  I try to encourage him to wait to make any proposals.  Telling him that he really does not need to make a decision of such importance for some time.  Yet, I see that what he yearns for is connection and a promise.  A promise that this trusted friend will be there tomorrow, just as excited to play with him as he / she is today.  I wish it were that simple.  Maybe in the best circumstances it is.

Wikipedia defines friendship as, “…a relationship between two people who hold mutual affection for each other.”  

“The value of friendship is often the result of friends consistently demonstrating the following:

  • The tendency to desire what is best for the other
  • Sympathy and empathy
  • Honesty, even in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth
  • Mutual understanding and compassion; ability to go to each other for emotional support
  • Enjoyment of each other’s company
  • Trust in one another
  • Positively strong, deep, close reciprocity, mutuality—equal give-and-take between the two parties
  • The ability to be oneself, express one’s feelings and make mistakes without fear of judgement.”

Wikipedia goes on to say that the American Sociological Review found that the quality and quantity of close friendships in America has been on the decline over the past thirty years.  “The study states that 25% of Americans have no close confidants and that the average total number of confidants per person has dropped from four to two.”  How sad is this?

Crossing to Safety, by Wallace Stegner, is a modern piece of literature that focuses on the theme of friendship.  There is something timeless about this novel that makes me want to revisit its message again and again as I move through my life.  It is a thoughtful, quiet work that meditates on the half-century long relationship between two couples.  Stegner looks at what it is like to truly feel known by other people.  Throughout this book, it is clear how much these relationships have shaped each character’s life and been a touchstone for important moments of growth and change.  I see this to be true in my own life.

Friendship is unlike marriage, where although it is not always lasting, there is a contract and a stated commitment.  There are rarely formal contracts in friendship.  Parties take part for as long as it satisfies a need.  Individuals are free to come and go.  But don’t we have a commitment to one another?

Where I land on this topic is I expect my friends to stick around.  As in the Wikipedia definition, I expect there to be a level of trust and mutual respect.  In the best scenarios, friends can become the family we choose.  These important relationships can be a thing that helps to define our lives.  Connection is important.  I believe that people with connection live longer, more fulfilled lives.  This is what I wish for myself and my family, a life filled with connection and community.  As we move towards this season of giving thanks, I find I am thankful for my friends.  I am thankful for how many of you have defined portions of my life and helped to shape the person I am.  You have allowed my family to become a part of yours.

“There it was, there it is, the place where during the best time of our lives friendship had its home and happiness its headquarters.”

― Wallace Stegner, Crossing to Safety

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Make It Personal

Published on by poolepartyof56 Comments

When my second son was born, my favorite presents were those that differentiated his arrival from his older brother’s.  Having been through it once, we already had all the equipment, clothes, and “stuff” we needed and the correct gender to boot.  I loved receiving things that were personalized for him.  Whether it was a name or a letter, I found this gesture of individual recognition to be so very thoughtful.  I have kept that sentiment in mind to this day.  Often, when I give a gift to a family that already has one child, I try to personalize it.  It is nice to recognize those older sibs as well!

The “letter” and “number” shirts have arrived!  Simple cut.  Clean lines.  Gotta have ’em.

American Apparel 3/4 sleeve, personalized, raglan tees.  Now available for the big kids!  Poly-Cotton construction.  Durable rib neckband.  Available in sizes 2-8.  The perfect gift for big brother or sister.  Great for birthday parties and sibling photos.  An ideal tool for teaching letter and number recognition!  Start your engines and get ready to be a monogram trendsetter at school!  Head over to Poole Party Designs to start shopping the new collection!